OMG Dante!

An extract from my ranting-diary for Travel Writing... Rewriting Dante's Inferno from an OMG!blogger point of view ~ Yeah, it seemed like a good idea at the time ;)

Actually, how I got to see hell is a funny story. You see, *clears throat* …

Midway upon the journey of our life

I found myself in a dark wilderness,

For I had wandered from the straight and true.

I had taken one too many bribes while in local government (how else was I going to keep myself in Prada?) and found myself wracked with guilt after a few bottles of wine, stumbling through a forest looking for a decent place to throw up. And then I thought I saw a long-dead scholar idol of mine, and I was like “OMG Virgil!”

And Virgil was like “OMG Dante!”

And then we totally hugged.

And Virgil was like, “Dante you’re such a loser. You should stop being a loser and be awesome instead.”

And I was like, “But Virgil, I don’t know how to be awesome. Will you show me?”

And Virgil was like, “No dude I can’t, I’m totally dead! And I was a giant Roman heathen anyway. But since you’re already trippin’ (never mix shrooms and wine, dude) I can take you on a journey through hell so you can see what happens to losers who don’t become awesome before they die.”
And I was like “WOOO! ROAD TRIP!”

And Virgil shook his head and was like, “You are so wasted this may as well be a Contiki tour.”

And I was like “WOOOO –”

And then I threw up.