Tuesday, January 1

Big Bang's 'Fantastic Baby': The Only Song You Need In 2013

I'm the first to admit that I don't really 'get' K-pop, but I think everyone needs the video for Big Bang's Fantastic Baby in their lives on a daily basis.

Just look at it. Seriously. WATCH IT RIGHT NOW.

I'll wait.

Seriously, wasn't that just the best four minutes ever?

It's got everything you could possibly want in a music video. And in life:

  • Sassy half-English rap
  • Some sort of post-apocalyptic universe where music is apparently considered evil (so it's sort of like that town from Footloose, I guess?)
  • A disproportionate amount of eyeliner for a video starring zero women
  • One man's hair going from red to white to yellow to pink in the space of four minutes
  • Another man whose hair is as blue as the sky and as wavy as the ocean
  • Lip applique (again, no women star in this video)
  • A point (1:32) where I ALWAYS laugh out loud where a topless blonde man earnestly sings as he is chained to a wall (supposedly by the oppressive anti-music regime [or as they like to call themselves, the pro-talk-radio movement])
  • Outfits, sets and CROWNS so fabulously elaborate they must have been a designer's dream / nightmare
  • Pretty Korean boys
  • More pretty Korean boys
  • I mean, seriously, no amount of plastic surgery or photoshop will EVER make you as pretty as these Korean boys*

So I did a little research and the sassy rapper (the one in the beginning) is called G-Dragon and is kind of a big deal. I watched a few of his other videos and his sass is as boundless as his willingness to look silly. I heartily endorse him.

The other ridiculously pretty one (Mister Blue Hair) is called T.O.P, and I sincerely hope he was aware of how that sounds in English-speaking queer culture, and named himself that totally on purpose**. Because otherwise that'd be pretty embarrassing. But anyway, I checked and he isn't genetically engineered. ALLEGEDLY.***

Hey wait, what if the music-haters in the video are actually a metaphor for North Korea? I watched a documentary that said every house in NK is fitted with a propaganda radio speaker thingy that can never be turned off! So... guys, Fantastic Baby is totally a veiled critique of totalitarianism. And talk radio.

Hey, let's watch it again!


*By 'you' I mean 'me'
** LOL
*** I googled "T.O.P. Korean rapper genetically engineered" and my computer froze and then google showed me a bunch of stuff about PSY and genetically modified crops. So let's just say there's no proof that he's NOT genetically engineered.