Saturday, November 12

Here's the thing about Misha Collins...

Let's have a disclaimer first: I haven't been in the real world in a long time. So over the past year or so, my fangirl tendencies have sort of, um, intensified. It's not dangerous or creepy or anything – I mean, I don't know exactly where Benedict Cumberbatch lives. But it's not for lack of googling.

I haven't really mentioned Benedict or any other recent boyfriends obsessions because this blog is supposed to have some measure of – I don't know – self-respect? Shame? Um, no, that can't be it. I think because I just hate reading uncritical, unchecked squee and I can't bear publishing it under my own name (and Anonymous Has A Blog! didn't have the same ring to it.)

So here is my first entry of Checked Squee*. I really like this term because it sounds like a small fowl that rich people eat. Go on, doesn't 'Checked Squee and Plums on Wild Rice' sound like a recipe for a pretentious main course? It does? Good. I love writing, you can't hear the people who disagree with you.

So here's the thing about Misha Collins...

We could just leave this here.

I started watching Supernatural because of him. He plays the angel Castiel, which is a pretty name so I'm already on his side. I'm superficial like that.

He appears in the fourth season, looking like a disheveled office worker with his hair a little mussed and his tie a little loose, as if he's just finished fucking a secretary over his lunch break. Rawr. He also appears with terribly dry lips for reasons best known to the stingy make-up crew. I assume it's in their contract that only series regulars get complimentary lip balm – or maybe the catering on set only has low-cal sand and dust to keep anyone from looking bloated. We may never know. The point is, he shows up and it's good. (Just to be clear, Castiel is an angel, but like a BAMF** angel.)

Part of Misha Collins' appeal in Supernatural is that he’s a great contrast to the two stars. Jared Padalecki (Sam) just a cutie – he has these puppy-dog eyes and these dimples and this overall sweetness about him. I bet he'd hold his girlfriend's hand during The Notebook instead of rolling his eyes and asking what else is on. Jensen Ackles (Dean), try as he might to deepen his voice and square his shoulders, is goddamn beautiful. This is a guy who could have had a long and happy career in soaps because he's pretty like a girl. Frankly, I don't know how he gets anything done, because if I looked like that I'd spend all my time licking my own reflection.

And then you have Misha Collins: handsome but not overgroomed, serious, with this deep smoky voice and a strong soldier vibe. The character of Castiel is also well crafted and perfectly suited for Misha – he has a wicked sense of humour and really shines when Castiel is unintentionally hilarious. This video won't let me embed *shakes fist at the sky* but here's a great moment: Cas runs out of minutes.

Castiel also has fangirl appeal because he's mysterious – his appearances brief and unexpected, his message important and his morality ambiguous. Nobody screeches the car to a halt and demands to know how Cas feels inside. He's refreshingly stoic and his appearances bring a lot of gravity to a story otherwise skipping towards the apocalypse. (I'm talking about seasons 4 and 5 here, because in my mind seasons 6 and 7 are pretty much a big-budget fanfic.)

So maybe I got a little into Misha Collins. That's fine, perfectly manageable, and usually sorted by  the youtube cure – watching a few interviews with the actor in question. 

The thing about actors is that they're usually so disappointingly ordinary, and while you might enjoy watching them pretending to be fascinating characters, it's easy to cancel your plans to marry them once you see them umming and awing through a Q&A panel or a red carpet question-assault (I hate red carpet interviews – I don't like seeing anyone feeling rushed and overdressed.) Past actors I've stalked liked include Jim Parsons (Sheldon from Big Bang Theory) and Zachary Quinto (Sylar from Heroes) (shut up, I know they're both gay, but I can change them with my love***) and the youtube cure worked quite well for both. Jim Parsons, bless him, is so easily flustered and distracted that it's quite painful to watch him being himself. Zachary Quinto takes himself a bit too seriously and dresses badly. He's also made several Funny Or Die videos, most of which fall into the Die category.

I might mention Benedict Cumberbatch here, but a) I'm still not over him even though he's cheating on me, and b) he is so special and British and delightful, he's going to get his own entry soon.

So I looked up Misha Collins, and guys, the youtube cure didn't work. It just made everything a million times worse. This guy is – see, if this were unchecked squee I'd say things like 'amazing', 'epic' and 'extraordinary'. But since my blog is all critical and snarky and pseudo-intellectual, I'm going to say he's nuts. Media people keep calling him 'eccentric' and the term 'Misha being Misha' is a fandom tag – and when the fandom is lost for words you know you've got something special. But I'll try to put a finger on why I can't get him out of my head: he's funny and smart and witty and random and completely self-assured and basically everything you want in a boyfriend.

My obsession snowballed from youtube. How is this guy not A-list when he's got leading-man looks and can string a sentence together and not bump into the furniture? Ah, here's the critical part of this entry. I'm not going to say 'because Hollywood is unfair MISHA FOR PRESIDENT' because, come on.

Part of the answer might be that it's easy to make him break – there are so many stories of the cast and crew, especially Jared Padalecki, (whom the youtube cure did work on because he seems to me like a bit of a douchebag now) pranking Misha, resulting in dozens of ruined takes. So maybe cruel, heartless sabotage has followed Misha throughout his career? 

Then again, it could just be that he makes poor decisions. I recently watched Divine: The Series which he stars in and helped create. And while I approve of the Misha Collins as a priest kink role, the rest of the series was fairly rubbish. In fact, it was so rubbish that I couldn't summarise the horror in a few sentences, so you can look forward to a terribly unkind review of it in the near future. Oddly enough most people think Divine is alright, so maybe that's just me with my troublesome critical thinking.

More things about Misha Collins... he's smart. Like, went-to-college, had-jobs-where-nobody-told-him-what-to-say smart. He goes to Tibet or someplace for ten days every year to meditate. Enlightenment is hot. He built his house and most of the furniture in it himself. He's a carpenter. LIKE JESUS. And he plays an angel? That can't just be a coincidence.

No seriously, I want my money back on the youtube cure. Part of its purpose is to cancel out the scary fangirl trains of thought that involve moving to LA and advertising to be a dogwalker in your beloved's neighbourhood on the off chance they might pick up a flyer and say “Dasia... hmm, that sounds like the potential name of my future wife. I think I'll give her a call.” More often than not, that train's derailed successfully when I confirm that my beloved is a cock enthusiast whom I probably can't change with my love.

In Misha Collins' case, he's married, with a kid. Aw, that's nice. Wouldn't want to break up a family with my feminine wiles and mad dogwalking skills****, would I? Of course not. What's his wife like? She's a psychologist. She looks smart. They must be happy. Oh, she wrote a book.

Lord, give me strength. How am I supposed to get over this guy when I know that he and his smart wife regularly invite guest stars into their bed? Excuse me while I book a stow-away spot on a fishing boat to LA.

Oh, um, looks like I’ve let the squee out of its pen and now it’s running around unchecked. Something negative, something critical… well, for one thing I imagine that like anyone smart and witty, Misha Collins can really be a bitch when he wants to be. But that’s purely conjecture, seeing as googling “Misha Collins being a bitch” didn’t yield any relevant results – in fact, the very first entry that came up was titled ‘Misha Collins is a sexy bitch.’

Damn right he is.

*Make sure to stress the 'ed' : checkED squee. Now say it five times fast.
**For a long time I thought this acronym was in the MILF family, and sprained some creative muscles trying to figure out what it meant... BAMF... big... ass... must... f-?! No. It stands for BadAss MotherFluffer.
***I know I can't. Shut up.
****My skills are mad, not that I can walk mad dogs. Which I can't. Or regular dogs. Any proclamations of mad dogwalking skills are false.

NOTE: This entry includes 2 pictures that aren't copyrighted to me. I found both via google - one on blogspot, the other on tumblr, and credit wasn't stated in either 'original' location. I'd love to credit, so if you have original credits, please let me know! And Misha, if you're reading this, fuck off, no you're not.


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  1. Aw, this comment just made MY day! Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment :D YOU ROCK!

  2. This was awesome! I laughed so hard especially at: "Frankly, I don't know how he gets anything done, because if I looked like that I'd spend all my time licking my own reflection." and  "Past actors I've stalked liked include Jim Parsons (Sheldon from Big Bang Theory) and Zachary Quinto (Sylar from Heroes) (shut up, I know they're both gay, but I can change them with my love***)"

    And I choose to pretend that you didn't write this: "Jared Padalecki, (whom the youtube cure did work on because he seems to me like a bit of a douchebag now)" :) I love Misha Collins! Well, I love the whole cast of Supernatural. :) And this post just made my day! Thank you!

  3. First of all, you should end every comment like that!

    And aw, more blog hugs for you! I choose to believe hysteria and alcohol had nothing to do with your enjoyment of this entry (although they do come as a general serving suggestion with this blog.)

    I realised after posting that the nicest compliment in the whole entry is paid to Jensen Ackles. What a thunder-stealer :P

    Haha! Ocean Basket! You're like Howard's mom in Big Bang Theory: TELL HER WE'RE GOING TO THE OLIVE GARDEN! I GOT COUPONS FROM THE PAPER!

    Keepin' it classy with the Checked Squee :D

  4. Stasia LoutfrakhmanovaDecember 16, 2011 at 10:12 PM

    Here's the thing about this entry: it's awesome! I think you strike the balance between semi-professional writer/blogger and insane fangirl quite well. I literally laughed out loud (the Hillfox Hysteria and Strawberry Daqueri had absolutely nothing to do with it). I like how you akin Misha to Jesus, very appropriate. But I can't help that my favourite part of this is the part where you talk about Jensen Ackles *tee hee*. The mental image of him sitting in front of his mirror looking dispondent and wondering why God cursed him with such a pretty pretty face is priceless :D

    I think I shall have some Stuffed Checked Squee with a reduced white wine sauce on a bed of grilled asparegus next time I'm at... I dunno what's a fancy resturant? Ocean Basket? Oh, no, they only serve seafood... anyway I suppose I'll have it next time I read your blog!


  5. Okay it's official. You are my new favorite person! You kill me...really I can't stop laughing!!!


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