I'M NOT A HOBO anymore.

Hey guys! I'm back :)

Quite a bit has happened during my hiatus, the biggest of which is that I got a job. Like, a real job that I have to brush my hair for. I'm a web copywriter for a company that owns a bunch of online casinos. So I'm spending my days writing gambling ebooks, updating news blogs, and sneaking lame puns into twitter updates.

It's funny, because I haven't gambled since I was thirteen and lost R50 in that bullshit totally-rigged coin-pushy game in the arcade.

I bite my thumb at you, coin pusher of lies.

And the more I research it, the dumber I think gambling is. Luckily, my retail experience has taught me to sound cheerful about things that make me want to do some recreational stabbing. At least when it comes to gambling I'm still sort of meh about its lameness, as opposed to the fiery rage that paintings, posters and framing now inspire in me.

People keep telling me that I'm a grown-up now that I've got a job. I can't totally agree with that, since I've already worn pyjamas under my work clothes for want of warm leggings (not that I'm a never-nude, though there are dozens of them! Dozens!) and my mommy still drives me everywhere because I'm too scared shitless highly evolved to learn how to drive. Though I'm technically more productive and less couch-potatoey than before, I don't feel any more adult-like now.

Besides, I'm just into this whole capitalism thing for book- and tequila-money anyway.

I can't get too specific about my job because a) THERE ARE CAMERAS EVERYWHERE, b) perhaps unwisely, I put a link to my blog into my CV just to prove that I've actually done something vaguely resembling writing over the past year and a half, and c) it's, uh, not very interesting. Suffice to say that the dress code is casual and the people are nice (quite nice. VERY NICE. So nice I'm worried they put Prozac in the water cooler,) so I'm happy I found it.

Hopefully my future posts will be a bit more entertaining than this one. I just wanted to say that I'm back and will be updating once a week, and that I've missed blogging like crazy. I have so many things I want to squee and snark and muse over, so hold onto your fancy hats!

And finally, I'd just like to say a huge thank-you to everyone who's followed this blog and stuck with me during my silence :) as ever, you guys rock!

Writing Not-Quite-Wednesday: WIP500

I might have forgotten to mention in my incredibly generic New Year's Resolutions that in 2012 I plan to Write Everything All The Time ALWAYS.

Which is a big change from pre-2012 when I'd Write Some Stuff When I Feel Like It But Maybe I'll Take A Nap First.

So by a lucky coincidence (on Twitter: light of my life, fire of my unemployment) I came across Cara Michaels' WIP500 challenge.

Sorry, what about whips? [source]

Basically the challenge is to write 500+ words a day towards your current Work In Progress (WIP). Sadly, this does not include tweets, blog posts (unless you aim to be a pro blogger), or even long achingly witty facebook replies. Only what you're - gasp! - actually working on.

While 500 seems like a tiny number to those who've ever attempted NaNoWriMo, it really, really adds up. See, the challenge carries on for the whole of 2012, and by the end of it you'll have written 183,000 words! That's one meaty novel (The Grapes Of Wrath), or two short novels (Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone), or almost 80,000 tweets. Cool, huh?

It's only been a few days, but I'm feeling pretty productive already. Cara Michaels and everyone in the twitter community is pretty supportive (check out the #WIP500 tag to see what I mean) and it's nice to connect with people who have similar goals.

If you want to join up, go to the WIP500 page and click on the right-hand 'Join' tab or find the linkytools list at the bottom of the intro post. If you're curious how I'm doing, find @awkwardoptimist on the participants page (currently I'm #11 - and I know, I'm already in need of a catch-up!) I'll also be posting about my progress here on my blog, so watch this space!

Oh, and apologies for this post being a day late (although it'd be silly to think that anybody sets their clocks by me!) I had a bit of a self-imposed internet blackout yesterday, and chose margaritas instead.

11 Legendary Links (woven into a boring catch-up post)

Okay, so I haven't posted in a gajillion years. But only because my life is really boring.

To keep you reading, I'm going to offer you a super sparkly and interesting link for every boring update about me. This is a play-by-play of the last four and a half months, with a bunch of LOLworthy sites in between. Enjoy!

BORING FACT: After much suffering, I finally finished my Honours courses. I could have celebrated by getting a really neat cake (but I didn't.)
INTERESTING LINK: Cake Wrecks has inspired ideas for my next fifty-thousand cake-worthy occasions.

BORING FACT: The holidays were uneventful. I may as well have slept through them all. (And I did.)
INTERESTING LINK: Sleep Talkin' Man is my hero. You don't have to be awake to be awesome!

BORING FACT: I realised that since I'm not going back to varsity, I'm pretty much a grown-up now. Instead of talking about ponies and how awesome it is to sleep all day, I have to have deep, intense conversations with my colleagues and peers.
INTERESTING LINK: Overheard in New York collects evidence of the way grown-ups talk.

BORING FACT: I was unemployed and useless for a while there, as I looked for work as a talk show host or rocketship pilot. I also spent a lot of time on Youtube.
INTERESTING LINK: A Very Potter Musical is the best thing ever. Seriously.

BORING FACT: I didn't know why the universe would spend all that time and energy making me exist just to sleep and watch daytime TV.
INTERESTING LINK: The Perry Bible Fellowship did not exactly restore my faith.

BORING FACT: I got super excited about a job that turned out to be super lame.
INTERESTING LINK: Cracked and Plants vs. Zombies kept me conscious throughout most of it.

BORING FACT: I quit my lame job because I figured I could do better. With my passion for writing, my legendary ability to screw things up and my knack for staying conscious up to 8 hours a day, I could change the world.
INTERESTING LINK: Engrish shows us all how beautiful the English language can be when you screw it up.

BORING FACT: I'm not changing the world.
INTERESTING LINK: The Everyone Is Gay ladies are, and they're freakin hilarious.

BORING FACT: But instead I'm relaxing at home, thinking of awesome stories I should get around to writing, and squishing my adorable cat.
INTERESTING LINK: Cute Overload pales in comparison to my cat. But you should check it out anyway.

BORING FACT: I keep falling down.
INTERESTING LINK: Hyperbole and a Half is awesome.

So now you're all caught up on my life! I'll see you in about four and a half months, when I'll be able to tear myself away from all these sites long enough to post again.